On Rosh Hashanah morning, I spoke about the importance of building a synagogue of relationships. For those who may not have heard this, or just want a little light bedtime reading, you can find my sermon online on the Temple website. I tell you this not because I think my words were so important, but rather because the thing I was talking about is so important.

The source for much of what I was saying is a book by Dr. Ron Wolfson of the American Jewish University in Los Angeles. Dr. Wolfson is an educator who has spent much of his life both studying what works and does not in Jewish communal life and in putting some of the best ideas into practice. The book to which I refer is called Relational Judaism. I hope that you will read it. You might even create a book group or two to discuss it.

I’d like to use this space to share a bit more of what Dr. Wolfson says about Judaism and relationships. Have you ever wondered why you joined this synagogue community? In many cases, I know that you have told me that you wanted to impart a Jewish identity to your children and to find a place that could meet your spiritual and religious needs. But of course, your children can only acquire a Jewish identity from you if you have that identity yourself. Now, this does not mean that those who are not Jewish have to become Jews. Rather, it means that the children have to see that being part of a Jewish community is important to you, whether you are Jewish or not.

To do this, Wolfson says, we must build up our “Jewish identity.” This is more than just attending services or sending children to Religious School. It is, he says, “shaped by the relationships in my life.” And he proceeds to discuss these. This is what he says, paraphrased slightly:

  • For those who are Jewish: Do I see myself as Jewish? Does my Jewishness influence my life, my work, my purpose, my hobbies, the music I listen to?
  • The rest of these questions are for everyone in our community, Jewish or not: Do I see myself as part of a Jewish family? How do I relate to my family through a Jewish lens?
  • Do I locate myself among a network of good friends in the synagogue, friends who will be there for me in good times and bad?
  • Do I engage in lifelong learning about Judaism? Do I engage in Jewish practice?
  • Do I feel connected to the synagogue and do I give it my support?
  • Do I connect to the rest of the Jewish world?
  • Do I care about the state of Israel?
  • Do I work to repair the world?
  • Do I wrestle with God?

Being part of a Jewish community is about having an involvement in all those areas of life. And it is the job of the Jewish community in general, and Temple Etz Chaim in particular, to provide everyone in this community with opportunities to create all these different relationships.

As I said in my sermon, it is my goal over the next two years to meet with everyone in this Temple community outside of my study: at your home, at a coffee shop or restaurant, even walking around a town common. I want to use these meetings to learn about your journey and to share mine with you. I hope in this way to get to know you better, for only in that way can I be not The Rabbi but rather a rabbi, someone who is in relationship with you. So, if you get a call or e-mail from me suggesting that we get together, please say yes. We can both gain a lot from the meeting.